Live Your Questions
experience the answers
If I had to put an image to my writing brain this week, it’s that of a steaming bowl of spaghetti spilled all over the floor. Tons of yummy ideas, but none of them within the vessel I needed. Writers block. So I asked my 21 year-old little brother what I should write about, and his answer was this.
His response sent me over the moon, and when my feet returned to the ground, I rode a humbling wave of emotions with a pen to paper. Because as the oldest sibling, there’s no other message I’ve tried harder to emphasize to my younger brothers. It feels like my utmost responsibility, because it’s what I needed to hear during my early life, as I denied my core desires in lieu of what I was ‘supposed’ to do, what was safe and expected of me.
I lovingly remind them (as well as myself) to never box themselves in, but to let down their walls and stay open to life. To not live in a way that’s entirely based on who they were yesterday, logic, “shoulds”, or the opinions of others. To get in touch with their emotions so they can flow with the changes of life in a way that feels authentic to who they are and who they want to be. Influenced by a Rilke letter, I remind them to bravely live their questions, so that they may experience their unique and individual truth. To eschew the experiences, intellectualized reasons, and opinions of others, and forego the journey of a lifetime—living our way to the answers, finding the truth, and discovering who we are, time and time again. Shifting with each new season of life and version of ourselves.
It’s thee most important message I can think to convey, and here’s why:
I go out into the world and notice many people who’re alive that just don’t seem to care. Contentedly living lives that’ve worked for others in the past; go to school, go to college, get a job, get married, buy a house, have kids, work 40+ hours a week until you can retire, and then hope you’re able to do what you want until you die. Content, secure, and safe…but this lifestyle is so clearly not working—mental and physical illness rates are higher than ever before, the planet is crumbling, and violence and corruption have become the norm. It’s not working because it can’t work; we have to live our questions, ultimately living our way to answers that feel good and true to our hearts. Using fear of the unknown as a vessel to freedom, as opposed to letting it rob you of self-trust and faith. Or settling for what’s comfortable and makes sense to everyone else. But your life only needs to make sense to you.
Every single one of our paths is unique and unknown, meaning that discovering who we are is a daunting and endless pursuit. Which I guess is why so many people take the secure and easy way out by tip-toeing around the truth, instead of embracing uncertainty, developing self-awareness, and experiencing firsthand what you do and don’t want. I believe it comes down to a lack of self-awareness and fear of judgement, because living our questions looks like trying, practicing, failing, changing, succeeding, starting over, and getting in touch with who we actually are in front of the world, on display for everyone to see. But *newsflash!* nobody cares as much as you think, they’re too busy thinking about their own problems. The only people worth impressing are our younger and older selves; existing in a way that feels deeply nourishing and fulfilling to them. Someone they can be proud of, who understands it is completely safe to trust their feelings, body, and intuition—to embrace growth.
So if you feel called to a certain change, whim, or direction…don’t dwell on what everyone else will think. Don’t think about everything that could go wrong. Don’t even ponder ‘what if it all goes right?’. Instead, with full honesty, lean into that impulse. Ask yourself what you could learn if you simply trust your inner-voice and face what it’s saying with courage?
The courage to be sober even though your friends only ever want to drink. The courage to ask for help, set boundaries, and open your mind to new ways of being. The courage to try chiropractic even though your sister says it’s a hoax. The courage to try something new even though you’re scared out of your gourd and you might be judged. To move to Central America even though your family says it’s unsafe and pointless. To slow down and simplify even though it means working less hours and getting a roommate. The courage to be vulnerable, paralyzed with fear, and do the thing anyway.
My point is, the only way to really, truly know anything, is to experience it for yourself. Because what everyone else ‘knows’ is based solely on their past and current experience of the world, from their unique and individual perspective. For a simple example, maybe your parents said cilantro tastes like soap, so you spend your entire life believing that it does. You avoid it at all costs, pick it off of everything, and never even try it…after all, who would willingly want to taste soap? Until your friend makes enchiladas for dinner and the explosion of complex and vibrant flavors sends you to heaven. “What’s in this?” you ask. To which he replies, “beans, cheese, sauce, tortillas, avocado…oh, and a whooooole bunch of cilantro.” You missed out on a lifetime’s worth of flavor based on someone else’s opinion, instead of just trying it for yourself.
If you want to backpack around Southeast Asia and live in an ashram, but everyone says it’s unsafe and ‘woo-woo’—go find out.
If you don’t want kids, but everyone who has them says you’ll regret it—cross that bridge when you get there.
If you start choosing better for yourself, but your friends/family think it’s annoying and pretentious—let them. see how it feels.
If you want to go to college, but you’re a retired construction worker and think it’s too late—sign up for classes and give it a whirl.
If you’re a woman who wants to explore her sexuality, but your married to a man and your family thinks it’ll ruin your life—communicate and go for it.
If you want to try therapy, but your circle says its for people with ‘real problems’—go. there’s only one way to find out.
If you want to burn down your life and do something radically different, but you feel inadequate and it didn’t work out well for your cousin—see what you can do.
“You are not dead yet, it’s not too late to open your depths by plunging into them and drink in the life that reveals itself quietly there.” -Rainer Rilke
Just have the courage to live your questions and discover your unique answers. Life is called ‘a human experience’ because that’s exactly what we’re here to do—experience being human as who we are…not exist in the shadows of someone else’s idea of a ‘good life’. We can’t rely on the opinions, beliefs, and experiences of others to piece together a seemingly ‘perfect’ life. We have to actively figure out for ourselves what lights us up—mind, body, and soul—and create a life from there. But we can only do that from a deep sense of faith in ourselves and our intuition, which develops quickly with each and every rep.
Take it from the flowers, who break out of their shell, push through the earth, and race toward the sun, full of excitement to bloom. To beautifully and boldly take up space in a one-of-a-kind flash, before they’re gone forever. Wouldn’t you rather try and experience for yourself what that’s like? Or not try, and perish with unexamined wonder? Stop caring about what others think, and letting fear stop you before you start. Nothing matters as much as we think it does, so get on with it…your life awaits.
