Permission to Be
on endurance + food for thought.
Contemplating my relationship to endurance has been on my mind the last couple of weeks. The Midwest farm kid in me knows grit a little too well—the tenacity it takes to do what needs to be done, whether I feel like it or not. Like many, I tend to pride myself on finishing what I start, having deep loyalty to people and projects, pushing through discomfort, and having the discipline to get things done when my motivation is mute. Summoning that sense of inner-strength is all fine and dandy, but if life has taught me anything in the past few years, it’s that true strength often comes in having the courage to let things go, or quit something that no longer serves who I am or my goals. That real growth requires shedding the old and making space for the new, or simply put, surrendering what my ego wants for what my soul needs. They’ve taught me that just because I can do hard things, doesn’t mean I have to.
My experience hiking the Camino in September was the impetus that kickstarted my internal exploration of endurance. I had been planning, prepping, and training for nine months. I had dreamed of completing the trail for five years. I wanted to immerse myself in a new country/culture, let it change me, finish the journey, and keep traveling afterwards. But just shy of one week and 100 miles into the 500 mile trek, I stepped on a protruding rock juuust right and injured my foot. I had spent the better part of a year with this trip as my North Star, invested so much time and money into it, bravely made my way overseas solo, already made countless friends and memories along the way…I couldn’t possibly stop. So I convinced myself it was ‘just muscular’ or a deep bruise, loaded up on 600mg Spanish ibuprofen, and endured onward.
Over the next 200 miles, I quietly beared the pain, but my body and spirit would not. I couldn’t enjoy or be present for any aspect of the Camino while not only repressing physical pain, but so much anger and shame for the potential to be perceived as a ‘quitter,’ or ‘weak’ for having to stop. I cried a lot. I finally surrendered to my experience and opened up to my support system. I called on all my of my closest confidants, went to the hospital, and felt equally surprised and relieved to find out my foot was indeed, very broken. Surprised because I had spent so much time gripping onto the journey I wanted to have, and convincing myself it wasn’t that bad. Relieved because the diagnosis gave me an odd sense of permission to stop…twisted I know.
But so many of us are conditioned this way—to just keep spinning our wheels for the sake of spinning them, to repress our physical and emotional needs and keep pushing through, as opposed to taking pause and moving forward intentionally…or choosing a different vehicle/course entirely. We subconsciously choose to endure because perseverance seems productive and external validation feels good to our psyches. But enduring something without awareness of why you’re doing so is counterintuitive—you’re just getting through it, checking another box, ignoring the heart of the matter, not moving toward anything of substance to the soul.
By being born, we are inherently granted permission to be—to be who we uniquely are and express how we feel. Allowing purpose, joy, and fulfillment to be our guideposts…not fear, judgement, and obligation. We don’t have to endure anything—but we do have the freedom to choose what is worth enduring for our own personal evolution. Real courage and true strength comes from the ability to tune out the noise, tune inward, and choose wisely.
Food For Thought Menu:
{ QUOTES I’VE LOVED }
"You actually find your happiness, by leaning into what is hard, uncomfortable, maybe not ‘ideal’, but what is rooted in your truth, consistency, effort, and making it wonderful. Never by running. Never by escaping. Never by burying. Grit and cheer come together.”
-Samantha Demarkles
“When you’ve hurt people and they have told you, silence and time are not apologies."
-Miriame Kaba
“Tension is who you think you should be, relaxation is who you are.” -Chinese Proverb
{ PROMPTS FOR PONDERING }
-Where in my life am I ready to walk away from performance and toward authenticity?
-What hard lesson keeps repeating itself in my life because I refuse to learn it?
-Is my comfort zone actually comfortable, or just convenient/familiar?
{ A PODCAST }
{ A PLAYLIST }
{ A RECIPE }
Quinoa Edamame Salad with Creamy Peanut Dressing. Fresh, Spring-y, and full of fiber + protein!
❤️